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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30020973">Aftershocks</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/maisierita/pseuds/maisierita'>maisierita</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sweet Dreams [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>I'm seriously embarrassed about this one, M/M, Old Fic, repost</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:40:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,159</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30020973</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/maisierita/pseuds/maisierita</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just what the title says. </p>
<p>It's all angst and porn, baby.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chakotay/Tom Paris</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sweet Dreams [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Aftershocks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay, so when I was writing this in the late 90s, I had just discovered the freedom that comes with writing porn anonymously. And ... it's really kind of dreadful? I mean, I'm so embarrassed by how bad it is that I had to squint and look away when I was trying to fix the formatting. Like, they're both constantly screaming, "oh god oh god oh yes" and "fuck me now I need you" and "oh god oh please harder". It kind of makes me want to crawl into a corner and hide. But I'm not going to go back and fix it now, because this is what newbie slash-writer me wrote, and if nothing else, I can at least look back at it and think how much better my writing has gotten. </p>
<p>But man. It is <i>embarrassing</i>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chakotay tried to keep his grin to himself as he walked onto the bridge, en route to the regular morning briefing. Kathryn was sure to notice it, and she'd be all over him in a second, pressing him for details that Chakotay thought he'd rather keep to himself for a while. Oh, he supposed he'd have to tell her eventually; after all, it was due to her prodding that anything had happened at all, but for now, he wanted to savor the memories privately. Think gloomy thoughts, Big Man, he ordered himself silently, as he walked into the briefing room.</p>
<p>Everyone else was already there. "Nice of you to join us, Commander," Janeway said with a slight grin of her own.</p>
<p>"Sorry," Chakotay answered as he took his seat. "Am I late?"</p>
<p>"Not really," Janeway said, "but usually you're the first one here."</p>
<p>"Trouble getting out of bed this morning, Commander?" Tom asked, an overly emotive look of concern crossing his face. With laughter hiding just behind the blue of his eyes, he raised one eyebrow ever-so-slightly.</p>
<p>Chakotay's good mood evaporated as he felt a hot blush rise past his collar. Gods, not here in front of everybody, he prayed, hoping desperately to force the blush away by sheer force of will.</p>
<p>"No," he answered shortly, not wanting to encourage Tom any further by answering the jibe. Spirits, what had he gotten himself into? Tom's favorite sport, besides pool, had always been teasing Chakotay; the Commander had endured the ribbing with moderately good grace because he'd secretly enjoyed it. But now, was every little comment going to affect him this way? He could just imagine ... every remark, every grin, every look would force him to remember the way Tom's lips felt against his, the way Tom's muscles moved like coiled springs under silky skin, the frantic little cries Tom made when the pleasure was building and building ... shit. Stop it!</p>
<p>"You disagree, Commander?" Janeway's voice, filled with surprise, broke into Chakotay's reverie.</p>
<p>"Ummm ... no, Captain," Chakotay responded, without the slightest idea of what it was he was not disagreeing with.</p>
<p>"You were shaking your head," Janeway persisted.</p>
<p>Damn. Damn damn damn. "My neck's a little sore, Captain. I was just stretching it out." Yeah, right. And Neelix is a gourmet chef.</p>
<p>"Those late-night work-outs can really be dangerous, Commander," Tom said, and there was no mistaking the teasing tone of voice now. "You should stretch before you exercise. I always do."</p>
<p>Images of Tom, undressed, stretching with feline grace, jumped unbidden into Chakotay's mind. Dammit, stop it already! Time to shut him up before things get out of hand. "Thank you, Lieutenant. I'll try to keep that it mind before my next work-out." He eyed Tom pointedly, focusing his gaze relentlessly on the younger man until Tom had the good grace to blush and look away.</p>
<p>Chakotay chuckled silently and returned his gaze to Janeway, just in time to see the last of a series of puzzled glances fly between Harry and B'Elanna. Even Tuvok was looking at him curiously, and Kes ... what was <em>that</em> expression supposed to mean? Oh spirits, she's empathic. He sighed to himself. This was going to be a very long day.</p>
<p>The meeting ended, eventually, and Chakotay was rather proud of himself; there had only been three more occasions when he'd had to drag his thoughts forcefully back to the topic at hand, and away from Tom. He wasn't exactly sure how he was going to make it through his bridge shift, unfortunately. The sight of Tom's muscular shoulders had always been a distraction, even before they'd slept together. Now... it was definitely going to be a problem. Tom brushed past him on his way out the door, and Chakotay felt his body leap in response. He sighed. A <em>big</em> problem.</p>
<p>"Commander," Janeway called to him as he walked towards the door. "May I have a quick word with you?"</p>
<p>"Of course, Captain," he answered, unsurprised. He hadn't really expected to make it to the bridge.</p>
<p>Janeway waited until everyone else had cleared out of the briefing room before she took her seat again. "Sit down, Chakotay." She waited for him to retake his seat. "So, give!" she said, grinning. "I take it things went well last night?"</p>
<p>"Yes, I guess you could say that."</p>
<p>Janeway waited patiently for more details, then pursed her lips disapprovingly when she realized none were forthcoming. "You don't really think I'll settle for <em>that</em>, do you?"</p>
<p>"Kathryn, it's a little personal ... "</p>
<p>"Don't give me that. If it wasn't for me, you'd never have worked up the guts to start any of this. I think that entitles me to hear a little more than 'I guess you could say that'!" She leaned closer. "I don't need a listing of all the technical details, Chakotay. Just a general overview. He came over for dinner?"</p>
<p>She wasn't going to let him get out of it. Oh well. At least she'd be discreet. "Yes. He came over at around 1900 hours. I served some wine and soup -"</p>
<p>"Tomato?"</p>
<p>"Of course." He grinned at her. "Then some pasta. We talked. He wanted to know when I stopped hating him. I told him, we finished eating, and then we ... ummm —" Chakotay fell silent, more than a little embarrassed.</p>
<p>"Don't stop there, Chakotay; you're just getting to the good part." She paused. "I assume it's the good part. So ... what happened next? You just fell into bed together?"</p>
<p>"No. Not exactly. He was a little uncomfortable. I guess that's only natural. God only knows what I said to convince him, but he decided to go through with it." Chakotay stopped speaking, remembering the heat of the kiss that followed. "<em>Then</em> we fell into bed together."</p>
<p>"And?"</p>
<p>"What, you want to know which positions we tried out? Really, Kathryn, I wouldn't have expected it of you."</p>
<p>Janeway blushed slightly. "No." She shook her head firmly. "No, I don't want to know which positions you tried out. I just want to know if he's as good in bed as all the rumors say."</p>
<p>"Kathryn!" Chakotay was a little shocked. "You're not interested in him, are you?"</p>
<p>"Don't be ridiculous. He's just a boy. I served under his father, for heaven's sake." She paused, and a grin spread across her delicate features. "I'm just curious, is all. You should hear what Megan Delaney and Sue Nicoletti say about him in the locker room."</p>
<p>"Oh."</p>
<p>Chakotay was barely mollified, but Janeway continued on, undeterred. "So, tell me! How was it?"</p>
<p>Chakotay's mind was involuntarily drawn back to the night before. He remembered the heat, and the longing, and the passion, and couldn't stop the dreamy smile that spread across his face. "It was perfect, Kathryn. Just ... perfect. He's so responsive, so aware of every little touch and caress, and gods, he's so beautiful, it's almost unnatural. I mean, he knows he's handsome, and he uses it to his advantage, but when he's not trying to, when he's not concentrating on it, he's even more beautiful ... I almost turned the lights out, because looking at him was so damn distracting—" Chakotay's voice was husky. "I couldn't stop staring at him. I couldn't get enough of him. He was so <em>there</em> ... it's as if his whole being was focused on what we were doing together. It's been a long time since I've had a lover concentrate so entirely on giving and receiving pleasure. It felt like I was burning up, and he was on fire with me..."</p>
<p>Janeway made a little distressed noise, and Chakotay stopped speaking. After a short pause, he said, "Well, you asked, Kathryn."</p>
<p>"I guess I did." She shook her head ruefully. "I have to go sit on the bridge, now? And I'm supposed to concentrate?"</p>
<p>"If you didn't want to hear it, you shouldn't have asked."</p>
<p>"Oh, I know, I know." Janeway let out a little exasperated breath of air. "It's my own fault, but to tell you the truth, I never thought you'd actually tell me." She got up from her seat decisively. "Well, they didn't give me that fourth pip for nothing. I am going to go out there and pretend that my mind is not filled with images of the two cutest men on the ship in bed together." She shook her head again. "But it's going to be hard. Let's go, Commander."</p>
<p>Chakotay paused at the door. "Kathryn?"</p>
<p>"Yes?"</p>
<p>"You really need to find a man."</p>
<p>"Tell me about it." Janeway motioned towards the door impatiently.</p>
<p>"Kathryn?"</p>
<p>"Now what?"</p>
<p>"You think I'm cute?"</p>
<p>Janeway didn't answer except to snort, and wave Chakotay out towards the door. He left in good humor, and spent the rest of the day trying very hard not to think about Tom Paris, and being only moderately successful at it.</p><hr/>
<p>Many hours later, after dinner, Chakotay found himself pacing restlessly around his quarters. Only 2100 hours, much too early to go to bed. He knew where he wanted to be. He'd gotten into the habit of heading to Sandrine's at night, because he knew Tom would be there and he could sit and watch the man, unobtrusively, for hours on end. Sometimes he'd bring a padd, other times he'd get a drink, or a late-night snack, or even play a round or two of pool, but each time, he'd spend the lion's share of the evening casting furtive glances across the room.</p>
<p>He'd been pining hopelessly then, lusting after an unobtainable goal, and it was sort of enjoyable, in a painful kind of way. Or sort of painful, in an enjoyable kind of way, he wasn't quite sure which. Now, though, it was different, and he wasn't sure he trusted himself to spend the night in the bar without making a total and utter fool of himself. Probably kiss the man again, in public this time, and get punched out for his trouble. Damn. Fine. He'd read. Settle down in this chair, pull out that novel he'd been trying to get through and — — who was he kidding? As if he'd be able to concentrate on a novel.</p>
<p>With a growl, he headed to his closet for a change of clothing. Loose, baggy pants were definitely a necessity. No way was he wearing his uniform, not unless he wanted to be on display for half the crew.</p>
<p>Chakotay entered Sandrine's and was greeted by the familiar sound of Tom's cheerful laughter, followed almost immediately by a very feminine, very high-pitched giggle. His eyes were drawn to the pool table, where Tom was attempting to teach Megan Delaney how to hold a cue stick properly. Shit.</p>
<p>"It's not a baseball bat, Megan. You don't need to hold it in a death grip. Here, let me show you." Tom wrapped his arms around her from behind, and placed his hands on hers, gently moving them into the correct position on the cue.</p>
<p>"Tom," she said, in mock indignation, "if I didn't know you better, I'd say you were trying to cop a free feel."</p>
<p>"Miss Delaney," he said, offended innocence evident in his voice, "I'm shocked that you'd think I'd ever try to feel you up. For free."</p>
<p>"Tom Paris!" She whirled around, out of his grip, and crossed her arms on her chest. "Lieutenant Torres is right. You are a pig." She stuck her tongue out at him.</p>
<p>"Don't stick that out at me unless you intend to use it," he said, laughing.</p>
<p>"You wish," Megan retorted, and twirled back around to the table. The glowing smile plastered across her face could have powered the warp engines for a week. She giggled as Tom's arms came around her once again.</p>
<p>"Now, Miss Delaney, try to keep your mind on the business at hand," Tom said, sounding serious. "If you want to learn to play, you've got to learn how to handle a cue stick."</p>
<p>"Hmmm," she said, almost purring, "I always thought I handled a cue stick pretty well. I don't recall you having any complaints last time we played together."</p>
<p>Chakotay managed to choke down a synthale, watching the flirtatious banter escalate rapidly into a barrage of undisguised sexual innuendo. The thump of a glass on the table startled him back to his senses. "Disgusting, isn't it, Harry?" B'Elanna said, collapsing into a chair next to Chakotay. She glared across the room to the pool table, where Megan was practically welded onto Tom's body.</p>
<p>"Disgusting?" Harry sat down next to B'Elanna, and raised an eyebrow in a fairly respectable imitation of Tuvok. "How so?"</p>
<p>"They may as well be having sex on the pool table."</p>
<p>"Now that I'd like to see," Harry chuckled. At B'Elanna's angry look, he continued, "Oh, come on, B'Elanna. He's a healthy young man, she's a healthy young woman. Neither one of them is involved in a relationship, and from what Tom's told me, it's been a while. Not everyone can suppress their sex drives as completely as you, you know."</p>
<p>B'Elanna growled back at him angrily, and was about to start an argument, when a clatter from the pool table forced them all to turn and look. Chakotay bit back a curse as he took in the scene. Megan had dropped the cue stick on the edge of the table, where it had knocked Tom's glass of synthale onto the floor. Neither one of them was in a position to notice the mess, Chakotay reflected bitterly, since it seemed that Megan would need surgical help just to remove her tongue from Tom's throat. The duo pulled apart reluctantly as the first of several wolf whistles reached them, and straightened up. Hands clasped loosely together, they headed for the door. Tom maneuvered them past Chakotay's table.</p>
<p>"'Night, all," he said with a grin as he passed them. "Oh, Commander, the pool table is all yours. Make sure you stretch your neck properly before you play, though. You don't want to hurt it again." He caught Chakotay's eyes with his own, grinned his most irritating grin, and disappeared out the door, dragged by an impatient Megan Delaney.</p>
<p>"What was that supposed to mean?" B'Elanna questioned, staring at Chakotay.</p>
<p>"I have no idea," Chakotay responded, forcing his voice to remain neutral. He swallowed the rest of his drink, and forced himself to his feet. "I'm not much in the mood for Sandrine's tonight," he said. "I think I'm going to go get some sleep."</p>
<p>"Weren't you going to play some pool?" Harry asked with innocent curiosity.</p>
<p>"No. Not tonight. See you tomorrow." He headed for the door, completely missing the curious looks that passed between Harry and B'Elanna. What the hell did he mean by that? He was teasing, clearly, but was it a deliberate dig? A reminder? An invitation? Ack. He could think about it for the rest of the trip home, and he'd probably still never get it.</p><hr/>
<p>Chakotay was grumpy as he got ready for bed. Trying to figure out Tom Paris was as easy as recalibrating the warp drive with a toothbrush. The man was probably doing this on purpose, knowing that he was driving Chakotay up a wall, and loving every minute of it.</p>
<p>Damn.</p>
<p>Chakotay stripped, got into bed, and turned out the lights. After almost an hour, he fell into a restless sleep. An insistent beep woke him. His comm badge? Still half asleep, he answered, "Go ahead." There was no response, and a moment later, the door chime rang again in the darkened room.</p>
<p>The door? What the hell? "Computer, what time is it?"</p>
<p>"The time is 0214."</p>
<p>The middle of the night. Whoever it is, they'd better have a damn good reason for buzzing at his door. "Come in," he snarled, angrily, and the door slid open. He blinked against the light at the tall, familiar silhouette hovering in the doorway.</p>
<p>"Chakotay, are you awake?" Tom called hesitantly.</p>
<p>"I am now." He pulled himself out of bed, oblivious to his nudity, and walked towards the outer room. "Tom," he said tiredly, "it's the middle of the night. What do you want?"</p>
<p>Tom looked at him, bronzed body gleaming in the starlight, and caught his breath. "You," he breathed. "I want you."</p>
<p>Chakotay swallowed heavily. "Tom. You were all over Megan Delaney tonight. You went home with her. Did you jump out of her bed to come here?"</p>
<p>Tom flushed. "Yeah."</p>
<p>"I don't want to be one of your little sex toys, Paris. You'd better leave. Go back to Megan. With any luck, she won't have noticed you were ever gone."</p>
<p>"I don't want to go back to Megan. Gods, Chakotay, all night, when I was with her, I was thinking of you. Even when ... even when we were fucking, my body was with her, but my mind was with you." He sighed. "I can't get you out of my head. What we did last night, it was so incredible, I don't know, it was more than just a quick fuck, you know? I mean, shit, most of the time with Megan, or Jenny, or Sue, or any of them, I figure they're already planning their next conquest before we're even in the shower." He paced restlessly around the room. "They fuck me 'cause I'm convenient and I'm good at it, Chakotay, not because they really want me."</p>
<p>"That didn't seem to have bothered you in the past," Chakotay said roughly.</p>
<p>"No," Tom agreed. "No, it didn't. Hell, they wanted me for a quick fuck and I wanted them for a quick fuck, no strings, no commitments. It was the perfect arrangement. At least, I thought it was." He shook his head with exasperation. "But they never really looked at me, Chakotay, not the way you did last night; it was so wild, I could have come from that alone, just seeing that expression in your eyes. I want — I want to see it again."</p>
<p>Oh spirits. Chakotay's body couldn't help but respond to the need in Tom's voice, to the look that was devouring him. A shred of rationality remained, and he concentrated on it like a drowning man holding on to a lifeline. "Tom. You said you don't want a relationship with a man. Last night was an exception, a one-time thing. You knew it, I knew it. It was okay then, you were curious, I was horny, so we made love. But I don't think I can keep doing it. You were right, yesterday — I'm not into casual sex. If you keep coming here, I'm going to need there to be something more to it, to us."</p>
<p>"I don't know what I want, Chakotay. I sure as hell don't want to analyze it at 2:30 in the morning." Tom moved closer, and Chakotay's breath started to come a little faster. "All I know is that I've been thinking all day about how good you felt in me, how you made me scream, how you tasted when you came in my mouth. I need that, again, now, and I don't want to stop and think about why I need it or what it means." Tom was shedding his clothing, quickly and efficiently. "I want to feel you on top of me, covering me, I want to feel your cock hot and hard against my skin, I want to hear you moan when you fuck me, and scream when you come."</p>
<p>Tom reached out towards Chakotay's rapidly swelling erection, and wrapped his hand around it gently. With his other hand, he grabbed Chakotay by the shoulders and pulled them so they were standing together, skin touching skin, Tom's breath warm against Chakotay's neck. Chakotay shuddered with pleasure as he felt Tom's erection bump against his own. "I want you, Chakotay," Tom whispered in his ear, stealing the Commander's line from the night before. "I want you, and unless you tell me to stop, I'm going to have you." He fell to his knees and reached out with his tongue to lick Chakotay's cock, once, twice, a third time, before pulling away and looking up at the older man, with humor and desire mixing in equal measure in his eyes. "Are you going to tell me to stop?"</p>
<p>Damn it all to hell. Was he really going to force the issue, with Tom here, kneeling at his feet, undressed, eager, anxious for him? Begging him to fuck him? A tiny, tiny part of his mind held him back, but held him back firmly. Maybe he <em>would</em> force the issue. Gods, Kathryn was right, it was about self- respect, to some extent. Tom was using him, seducing him, saying all the things he knew Chakotay wanted to hear. Maybe some of them were even true, but still — oh holy spirits. He groaned aloud. Tom had given up waiting for an answer; he plunged his mouth down over Chakotay's cock and began to suck at it, firmly. Screw self-respect, Chakotay thought hazily, it can take a flying leap out the airlock; I am going to fuck this man so hard he won't be able to walk tomorrow.</p>
<p>With a growl, he pulled himself out of Tom's mouth, and fell heavily to his knees next to Tom. Startled, the younger man froze in place. Chakotay took the opportunity to grab Tom by the shoulders and pull his head in for a deep, hungry kiss that left them both shaking. "Careful what you wish for, Lieutenant," he murmured, and was surprised to hear Tom chuckle in response. No time to think about that; gods, he wanted this man, wanted every part of him, all at once, and there was no time to move to the bedroom, no, it was going to be here, now, on the floor ... so what if he'd be bruised and sore tomorrow.</p>
<p>"Beautiful, so beautiful," Chakotay whispered, nipping hungrily at Tom's eyelids, ear, and neck, working his way down towards his collarbone. He stopped there for a few minutes, gnawing gently at the skin there, then worked his way down to a nipple. He fastened on, sucking hard and urgently. Tom was moaning and gasping, all the while thrusting his hips rhythmically against Chakotay's. Their erections were touching, gliding together, and Chakotay heard himself moan.</p>
<p>Oh, gods, this was too intense, but he needed this, needed it desperately. Last night hadn't been enough, it had just stoked the fire, made it burn hotter and brighter than before. One hand moved down to stroke Tom's cock, while the other snaked around to his ass and started gently stretching the opening there. As his first finger penetrated, Tom moaned and gasped out, "Fuck yes, that's it, Chakotay. Gods, I need this." His whole body was shaking with desire.</p>
<p>Chakotay added a second finger, then came to his senses with a start. "Damn. Tom, we need a lubricant."</p>
<p>Tom shook his head, violently. "No, it'll be okay, Chakotay, I'll be all right."</p>
<p>"No, you won't. Trust me." Chakotay stood up, and raced into the bedroom, returning seconds later with a small tube. "Good thing I left this out last night, hmmm?" he said with a smile.</p>
<p>Tom, still kneeling on the floor, stroking himself lightly, looked up at him with an expression so aroused Chakotay almost came on the spot. All humor forgotten, he squeezed some lubricant onto his fingers and returned his attention to Tom's ass. With the other hand he removed Tom's hand from his erection, saying, "That's my job." He wrapped his fingers firmly around the younger man's cock, massaging gently until Tom was moaning again.</p>
<p>Spirits save him, he was lost, he needed this so badly, there was no time to think. He brought his mouth back to Tom's for another searching kiss, forcing his tongue deep inside Tom's mouth, groaning when Tom sucked on it. He gently maneuvered Tom to the floor, positioning him on his side, and was surprised when Tom protested and turned over to his back.</p>
<p>"No, Chakotay," Tom gasped, "I want to see you looking at me. I want to watch your face when you come."</p>
<p>"Tom, it will be harder for you this way. You're not very experienced with this..."</p>
<p>"I don't care," Tom moaned frantically. "I need to see you fuck me, Chakotay, that's why I'm here. Please don't make we wait." He lifted his legs up, wrapping them around Chakotay's neck, and his ass was positioned so invitingly Chakotay couldn't stop himself. He gripped Tom's legs for balance, and eased himself inside.</p>
<p>"Oh god, yes," Tom cried, "fuck me, please, now, Chakotay, I — I <em>need</em> it." He pushed himself onto Chakotay's cock and moaned wildly.</p>
<p>All thought flew out the window. No time to think, no time to feel anything but the hot tightness clenching around him. Chakotay began thrusting in and out of Tom, more excited than he could remember being in years, loving the sounds of frantic desire Tom was making.</p>
<p>"Oh yes, god yes, fuck me, fuck me harder, please, oh god, so perfect." Tom was gasping now, tearing at the carpet on the floor, staring up at Chakotay through darkened eyes. "GODS, yes, oh shit, I need this so much ... need this, need you ... god, fuck me!"</p>
<p>Chakotay couldn't help but comply. His lust-fogged brain had tuned out, he was focused entirely on this one act of pleasure, and oh spirits, it was too fast, he wasn't going to last long. In a daze, he reached out for Tom's erection.</p>
<p>Tom moaned even louder, and brought one hand around to place it on Chakotay's, speeding him up to the pace he preferred. "Mmm, shit, Chakotay, fuck me, please, oh god <em>yes</em>, yes ... fuck, it's so good ... oh god, fuck me harder, please, harder!" He raised his hips to match Chakotay's thrusts, and groaned with pleasure as Chakotay's cock sank deeper inside him.</p>
<p>Oh spirits. This was too good, too damn fast, he was going to come and come hard, any second now, he could tell, he could feel it building... he opened his eyes and gazed at the aggravating, infuriating, beautiful man lying beneath him. Tom met his eyes, stared into them for a long second, then gasped and drew in a deep trembling breath as his orgasm hit. He exhaled, screaming, shooting hot sticky semen all over his own chest. His ass muscles clenched tightly around Chakotay's cock, and Chakotay moaned. Oh gods, this was it, he was coming, he was going to ... going to ... oh shit, oh gods, damn damn damn he was going to come ... <em>now</em> oh gods oh yes oh <em>yes</em>. He hadn't realized he was shouting out the words until he heard them echo around the small room. Oh. My. He forced himself to breathe.</p>
<p>"Thank you," Tom whispered faintly, falling back bonelessly against the floor.</p>
<p>Chakotay smiled with satisfaction, and collapsed into Tom's arms. "You're more than welcome." He lay there, contentedly, for a few minutes, then teased, "You're not so hyped up this time."</p>
<p>"No olives," Tom joked back. "Besides, it's probably three in the morning. I should have been asleep hours ago."</p>
<p>"Me too." Neither man moved. Chakotay lay in Tom's loose embrace, soothed by the gentle caresses Tom was giving him. "Tom," he whispered, after an indefinite amount of time, "we should get off the floor." No answer. Chakotay listened to Tom's deep, even breathing and realized that the pilot had fallen asleep. He sighed. Oh, he was going to be sore in the morning. Ah well, he was off duty tomorrow anyway. He'd go to the gym to work the kinks out.</p>
<p>The insistent chirp of a comm badge brought him to wakefulness, many hours later.</p>
<p>"Janeway to Paris." The Captain's voice was mildly irritated.</p>
<p>Chakotay shook Tom awake. "The Captain's calling you."</p>
<p>"Wha-?" Tom looked around, still groggy. "What are we doing on the <em>floor</em>?"</p>
<p>"We never made it to the bed. The Captain's calling you."</p>
<p>As if in response, Tom's comm badge beeped again. "Janeway to Paris. Mr. Paris, please respond."</p>
<p>Tom sat bolt upright. "Shit! Computer, what's the time?"</p>
<p>"The time is 0816."</p>
<p>"Shit. Fucking shit!" He cursed some more, and reached out blindly for his uniform and comm badge. "Paris here, Captain."</p>
<p>"Lieutenant, you were supposed to be on the bridge 15 minutes ago. Were you planning on showing up for your duty shift today?"</p>
<p>"Yes, Captain, I'm sorry. I, uh—"</p>
<p>"Mr. Paris," Janeway's calm voice interrupted him. "The entire bridge crew knows where you are." So, don't make up any stupid stories about the alarm, was the unspoken aside.</p>
<p>Tom took it in stride. "Commander Chakotay and I were just going over the navigational logs, Captain. We must have lost track of the time." Damn, Chakotay mused, the man is smooth. He didn't even take time to think about it.</p>
<p>"I'm sure," Janeway responded dryly. "If you wouldn't mind, Ensign Batehart would love to be relieved from his shift."</p>
<p>"Of course, Captain. I'll be there in five minutes."</p>
<p>"I hope so, Lieutenant." Janeway signed off.</p>
<p>Tom hopped to his feet. "Shit. I can't believe it. What the fuck happened to your alarm?"</p>
<p>"I'm not on duty today, Tom. I'm sorry." He watched with some amusement as Tom reached blindly for his uniform. "You <em>are</em> going to shower, aren't you?"</p>
<p>"I wasn't planning on it. Why?"</p>
<p>"Well, no offense, but you smell like sex. You've got semen all over your chest."</p>
<p>"Shit. God damn fucking shit. I should have stuck with women; it's a hell of a lot neater." He stomped off into the bathroom, muttering under his breath.</p>
<p>Chakotay chuckled to himself. Not a morning person, Tom Paris. He managed to get himself up off the floor, groaning. Gods, you are too damn old for sex on the floor, Big Man. He put on his robe, and ordered up a cup of coffee, waiting patiently for Tom to get out of the shower.</p>
<p>In less than two minutes, Tom came flying out of the bathroom, hair unwashed but brushed hastily into some semblance of neatness, his uniform still half open. He stopped in front of the mirror and groaned, reaching for the fasteners. "Chakotay," he said, conversationally, as he hurriedly closed his uniform, "my ass hurts. I'm going to be walking funny all day."</p>
<p>Chakotay couldn't hold back a grin. "I warned you. Hell, you wanted to go without lubricant. You'd have been so sore, you would have had to call in sick."</p>
<p>Tom grinned back. "I can just imagine." He finished fastening his uniform, then grabbed a swig of Chakotay's coffee. "I figure I have about 30 seconds to get to the bridge, so no long tender good-byes this morning. See you later."</p>
<p>"See you later," Chakotay responded to Tom's back. The pilot was already out the door.</p>
<p>Chakotay spent the morning exercising, catching up on some paperwork, and playing over the previous two nights' events in his mind. Sometime after lunch, he realized that the slight feeling of unease that had been plaguing him since he'd woken up in the morning was getting worse. It didn't take a neurosurgeon to figure out that it had something to do with Tom, but he couldn't quite put his finger on the problem.</p>
<p>Mediate. That's what he would do. Meditate and talk to his spirit guide, and hopefully, emerge with a clearer sense of what was bothering him. He cleared a space on the floor, and sat down with his medicine bundle. Two hours later, he stood up in frustration, no closer to understanding the problem than he'd been before, mainly because he hadn't been able to relax enough to contact his guide.</p>
<p>Damn. He really needed to talk to someone. He sighed and tapped his comm badge. "Chakotay to Janeway."</p>
<p>"Go ahead, Commander."</p>
<p>"Captain, do you have a few minutes? I've got a few reports I'd like to go over with you."</p>
<p>"Of course, Commander. Why don't you come to my Ready Room?" Her amused tone of voice told him that she wasn't fooled for an instant.</p>
<p>"I'll be right there." He signed off and walked out the door, belatedly remembering to grab a couple of padds so he at least looked authentic. Chakotay avoided looking at Tom as he crossed the bridge to get to the Ready Room. One look was all it would take to distract him, and he really didn't want to be distracted. He rang the door chime, and entered upon hearing Janeway's cheerful "Enter".</p>
<p>"Sit down, Commander," she invited. "What can I do for you?"</p>
<p>"I need to talk to somebody, Kathryn. About Tom."</p>
<p>She patted his arm sympathetically as she joined him on the couch. "I know. I heard about that little scene in Sandrine's last night. I'm sorry."</p>
<p>"Don't be. I knew what he was like before I ever kissed him. It's just that ... he came to see me afterwards, at two in the morning." Janeway quirked an eyebrow in wonder, but stayed silent. "He said he wanted me, couldn't stop thinking about me ... gods, I don't know, he said everything I wanted to hear."</p>
<p>"And?" Janeway inquired, her brows nearly up to her hairline.</p>
<p>Chakotay sighed. "Well, if he was trying to seduce me, it worked. I couldn't stop myself. My hormones took total control of my body. He was just ... it was so ... oh, I don't know what I'm trying to say, but he was there, and he kissed me, and then we made love and it was so <em>good</em>, again."</p>
<p>Janeway tried to shut her mouth, but couldn't quite manage it. "My god, Chakotay. I had it totally wrong. When Tom was late this morning, and I called for a location check and he turned out to be in your quarters, I assumed he was there apologizing to you for acting like an ass last night in the bar."</p>
<p>"No. Actually, it didn't even come up. He'd never apologize for something like that, anyway."</p>
<p>Janeway nodded. "You're probably right. But if he came to see you, if he said you were the one he really wanted, then what's the problem? I thought you wanted a relationship with him."</p>
<p>"I do. Spirits, I do want a relationship with him. It's just that ... I don't trust him." He felt a great sense of relief as the tension in his chest evaporated. There, he'd said it, and as he'd said it, he realized that <em>this</em> was what had been bothering him all along. "Kathryn, he said exactly the right things to me. Nothing too obviously insincere, nothing too ridiculously unbelievable; he said all the things he knew would make me fall into bed with him."</p>
<p>"Oh, I see," Janeway said softly. "You think he didn't mean them."</p>
<p>"I guess so." He shook his head miserably. "I knew it was too easy, too good to be true. He said all along he was only interested in sex, that he was curious about having sex with a man. 'Controlled experimentation', he called it. He must have decided that telling me these things was the only way to get it from me."</p>
<p>"Chakotay," Janeway said, placing a hand on his arm, "you might be right about this, but there's also the chance that you're wrong. As much as I appreciate the fact that you trust me enough to confide in me, I can't help you decide if Tom was telling you the truth or not. You really should be talking to him."</p>
<p>"You're right. As usual. Thanks, Kathryn." Chakotay got up to leave.</p>
<p>"You're welcome, Chakotay. Good luck."</p>
<p>"I'll need it," he responded, and left the room. He spent the rest of the afternoon in his quarters, going over the previous evening's conversation in his mind, trying to decide if Tom had been serious or not. He wasn't able to convince himself one way or the other, and grew more and more agitated as the afternoon dragged on.</p>
<p>Finally, at 1700 hours, the computer informed him that Tom had just entered his quarters. About time. He reached for his comm badge, then changed his mind. No, he didn't want to give the man the chance to get out of it. They were going to have a talk, and they were going to have it now, come hell or high water. Chakotay hurried to Tom's quarters, and rang the door chime. He walked in hesitantly as the doors opened.</p>
<p>"Tom?" he called out. He couldn't see him anywhere.</p>
<p>Tom poked his head out of the bedroom. He seemed a little surprised to see Chakotay there. "Chakotay. I thought you were Harry." He paused to reflect. "Except Harry never rings the door chime." He shrugged, and for an instant Chakotay was jealous of the easy intimacy the two friends shared. "What can I do for you, Commander?" His voice was light but suggestive.</p>
<p>Chakotay wasn't going to let himself be sidetracked. Besides, Harry was apparently due to come walking in at any minute. "Look, Tom, we need to talk."</p>
<p>For an instant, Chakotay could see hurt etch itself into the aristocratic lines of Tom's face, but then the emotion smoothed itself out, and the familiar smartass mask returned. "Sure, Commander. What do you want to talk about? You can't be breaking up with me, 'cause we're not dating."</p>
<p>"No, we're not." He sighed. Somehow, he'd already lost control of the conversation. "Last night, Tom. I want to talk about last night."</p>
<p>"What about it? If you want me to admit I was wrong, I will. We needed the lubricant."</p>
<p>"Will you stop it for a minute? I'm trying to be serious."</p>
<p>"You're always serious, Chakotay. That's your biggest problem. You need to loosen up more." His voice was laughing.</p>
<p>"Forget it. I knew this was a waste of time. It's like talking to a ten-year old." Chakotay turned, and headed for the door.</p>
<p>"Wait," Tom said, "please, don't leave. I'm sorry. It's force of habit; it's kind of hard to control sometimes. I'll be good, I promise. Just don't go away mad, okay?"</p>
<p>Chakotay turned back. Dammit, he was nervous, and Tom wasn't making things any easier. The worst of it was, Tom wasn't being any more difficult than usual; this was his usual banter, and Chakotay should have learned how to handle it by now. He took a deep breath. "Last night ... Tom, you said some things, we both said some things, and I don't know if you meant what you said but I meant what I said, so you'll understand that I can't keep doing it like this."</p>
<p>Tom was understandably confused. "What? Try that again, in Standard this time, Chakotay."</p>
<p>Chakotay replayed it in his mind. Yes, that had been fairly confusing. He tried again. "Look, Tom, you came to my door, you wanted sex, so you said some things you knew I wanted to hear to get me into bed. Fine, I let myself be seduced, but when I said I'm not into casual sex, that I needed more, I was serious. I can't keep doing this. You and me, together, it's too damn good, I can't just fuck you a few times and forget about it. So, I'm asking you, please don't do that to me anymore. Don't say things like that if you don't mean them, because part of me is going to believe them."</p>
<p>Tom looked at him, and the hurt was back on his face. "You think I didn't mean those things I said? You think I'd make that stuff up just to get you into bed?"</p>
<p>"I think you tell people what they want to hear, yes."</p>
<p>"Shit." Tom was getting angry. "I know I lied about the accident on Caldik Prime, <em>Commander</em>, and I'll never win any awards for ethics, but telling lies just to get sex is really cheap, and that's not my kind of game. You said it yourself, I'm an attractive guy. I don't need to lie to get fucked, I just have to ask. There's always somebody who's willing." His voice was getting louder, and his tone was turning decidedly hostile. "Do you really think I'd do that to you, after what you told me? You told me you're interested in me, I know with you it's more than simple physical attraction; do you really think I'd use that, use you, use your feelings to get laid? Shit, Chakotay, I was already in bed with Megan, if sex was all I wanted I would have just fucked her."</p>
<p>"Tom—"</p>
<p>"No. Let me finish." His eyes were flashing furiously. "I know what you want from this, you want a relationship; what I don't know is what <em>I</em> want from it. Fuck, last week I thought I was completely heterosexual, I'd never been remotely interested in sleeping with a guy, and I thought you fucking <em>hated</em> me. Now everything's changed. My whole life is completely turned around, so maybe I'm not thinking clearly, so maybe I shouldn't have come over to your quarters last night, even though I couldn't stop thinking about you all day, and I thought if you didn't fuck me, I was going to die." He ran his fingers roughly through his hair. "So, I like sex, Chakotay. I like it a lot. So what? It doesn't mean that it's a game to me. You really think I'd play you like that? You must not think very much of me."</p>
<p>Chakotay shook his head, backing down, grateful for the chance to get a word in edgewise. "I think too much of you, Tom. That's the problem. I think about you all the time. Before the other night, in Sandrine's, I could control it, somewhat, but now it's really out of hand. I was afraid ... "</p>
<p>"Of me? <em>You</em> started this, Chakotay." Tom was still angry.</p>
<p>"I know. Maybe it was a mistake. I don't know. I want you all the time, now, but I can't do it the way you want. I can't be involved with someone just for sex. I need more than that."</p>
<p>"I don't know if I can give you more. Maybe."</p>
<p>"Or maybe not?"</p>
<p>"Or maybe not. Shit. I'm sorry."</p>
<p>"Don't be. Like you said, I started this."</p>
<p>"Right. And I'm ending it." Tom's face was set in stone, but there was a slight tremor in his voice that hit Chakotay like a kick in the teeth.</p>
<p>The swish of the door startled them both as Harry walked into the room. "Commander," he said with some surprise. "I, uh, didn't think — uh, I thought you'd be alone, Tom." He flushed slightly. "I should have knocked."</p>
<p>"It's all right, Harry. You know you don't need to knock." Tom's voice was coolly casual. "Commander Chakotay was just leaving."</p>
<p>Chakotay felt a heavy weight settle on his chest as Tom crossed his arms and glanced pointedly at the door. He'd made a critical error somewhere, somehow it was all going wrong. He'd come here expecting to find out that Tom had been lying to him, he'd come here expecting to be hurt, so how come it was <em>Tom</em> looking wounded?</p>
<p>"Commander," Tom said, in a voice as cold as vacuum, "Harry and I have things to do. If you wouldn't mind leaving..." Harry glanced at Tom in shock, surprised at the pilot's tone of voice.</p>
<p>Chakotay looked at Tom for a few more seconds, and saw nothing but steel resolve in his face. Damn. Without another word, he turned around and left. He skipped dinner entirely, he wasn't really hungry, and he didn't see how he'd be able to handle it if he ran into Tom in the Mess Hall. Instead, he tried to calm himself down and meditate, but it didn't work any better than it had earlier in the day. At 2100 hours, he took a long, hot shower, and dropped into bed.</p>
<p>Chakotay lay there, in the dark, for endless hours, unable to stop his thoughts from running around and around his mind. Worse, he couldn't get the image of Tom's face out of his head, staring at him with the hurt shining so clearly in his eyes. Shit, Big Man, you have really fucked this up. He wasn't lying to you, you moron. You were staring into his eyes the whole time; you were looking at him when you made love. Gods, he looked at you, looked into your eyes, and came on the spot. Idiot! How could you doubt that?</p>
<p>He called for the time, surprised to hear that it was almost 0400. He hadn't slept a wink. This was awful. Just awful. He had to do something, now.</p>
<p>Chakotay pulled himself out of bed and grabbed a robe. He was almost to the door when he stopped, turned around, and took the extra few seconds to pull on some clothing. He didn't want to be fielding any questions from curious crew members as to why he was headed to Tom's quarters at four in the morning dressed in a bathrobe.</p>
<p>He reached Tom's quarters a scant few minutes later, and rang the door chime. After hearing no response, he rang it again. Finally, on the third try, he heard a groggy "Come in, already" from the other side of the door. As he crossed the threshold, it occurred to him for the first time that Tom might not be alone. Gods, <em>that</em> he wouldn't be able to handle.</p>
<p>Luck was with him. Tom stood just inside the doorway, wearing a comfy blue robe, and squinted at the light. "Chakotay?" He groaned. "Shit, it is too goddamn early in the morning for this."</p>
<p>Chakotay didn't bother to apologize. "I couldn't sleep. We need to talk."</p>
<p>"We did talk. Earlier today, don't you remember? There's nothing left to say. I'm sorry you couldn't sleep. <em>I</em> was sleeping just fine, and if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to sleep. You know your way out." He turned his back to the door and headed for the bedroom. Chakotay followed him in.</p>
<p>"Computer, quarter lights."</p>
<p>Tom cursed under his breath as the lights came on dimly in the room. He threw himself onto the bed and buried his head in the pillow. "Go away."</p>
<p>"No." Chakotay sat down on the edge of the bed, slightly perturbed when Tom rolled automatically to the other side, keeping his head firmly buried in the pillow. "Despite what you may think, we didn't finish our conversation this afternoon."</p>
<p>"Sure, we did. I distinctly remember throwing you the fuck out of my quarters."</p>
<p>"You did, but —" Chakotay paused. "Tom, why do you curse so much?"</p>
<p>Tom laughed into his pillow. "Because it used to drive my father crazy. He couldn't stand it; his well-bred little trophy son had the mouth of a Trikkavian longshoreman. I can curse in 15 different languages. Want to hear some Romulan swear words?"</p>
<p>"No. I'm sorry I asked." Chakotay shook his head and forced himself back to the main topic. "Look, I came here to apologize."</p>
<p>Tom rolled over and looked at the Commander. "Apologize? For what, being honest? You don't have to apologize for the way you feel, Chakotay. It's just the way it is. You want something I can't give you."</p>
<p>"It's not that simple. I don't want this to be over."</p>
<p>"Too bad." Tom sat up. "You said some pretty harsh things to me this afternoon, so you'll forgive me if I take a little while to work through them." Chakotay looked at him with wide, pained eyes, and Tom turned away from the force of his gaze. "Yeah, I know. Surprise, surprise, Tom Paris has feelings hidden somewhere underneath that no-stick surface."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry I hurt you. I never thought you didn't have feelings."</p>
<p>"Oh really? Then why did you tell me I lied to you just to get sex?"</p>
<p>"Because I'm an idiot. Because I'm insecure. And, well, because you do lie a lot."</p>
<p>"I do not!" Tom said hotly.</p>
<p>"Yes, you do. You're lying to Harry about your pool games, you lied to Captain Janeway this morning about being late for your shift-"</p>
<p>"You'd have preferred it if I told her the real reason I was late?"</p>
<p>"No. But you didn't even stop to think about it, Tom. The lie came so easily to you, I thought, hell, maybe —"</p>
<p>"Maybe I lied to you when I came to see you."</p>
<p>"Will you let me finish a sentence, please?" Chakotay shook his head in frustration. "You make it very difficult to have a serious conversation with you."</p>
<p>"I know. It's part of my roguish charm." Tom looked at Chakotay, saw the disapproving look, and bit his lip. "Sorry."</p>
<p>"Anyway, yes, I thought you lied to me just to get sex. It sounds stupid, now. You're right, you were already in bed with Megan. I should have realized it, but I wasn't really thinking. Now I know how stupid I was to have believed that, even for a second. So, I want to apologize, and see if we can salvage any of this, whatever it is."</p>
<p>"I don't think so." Tom's voice, for once, was fully serious. "We're not in it for the same reasons, Chakotay, and frankly, I don't see the point in dragging it out any further. It's just going to make it worse. You don't really trust me to handle any sort of a relationship, god only knows why you wanted me in the first place."</p>
<p>"Why I wanted you? Dammit, Tom, you have no idea what you do to me. You drive me up a wall, you keep me constantly off balance. I never know what to expect from you, what you'll do next, what you'll say next, what outrageous stunt you're planning. You're so damn unpredictable, I can't understand it, and I love it."</p>
<p>"I'm unpredictable?" Tom laughed. "Who kissed who first? I wouldn't have predicted that kiss in Sandrine's in a million years."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but it took me weeks just to work up the courage to do it. If it was you, you'd have just closed your eyes, said what the hell, consequences be damned, and gone for it."</p>
<p>Tom stared at him for a second, then let a long, slow grin creep across his face. He reached out one hand, and ran a slender finger down Chakotay's jaw, letting it rest at the chin. Tom then very deliberately closed his eyes, said, "What the hell, consequences be damned," and leaned in to plant a deep, lingering kiss on Chakotay's mouth.</p>
<p>Chakotay couldn't help but respond, and groaned when he felt Tom's tongue questing gently around his mouth. He pulled away reluctantly and found himself staring into Tom's sparkling eyes. "Why are you doing this?"</p>
<p>Tom shrugged. "It feels good."</p>
<p>"And that's enough for you?"</p>
<p>Tom sighed. "Yes, it is. If you're looking for a declaration of undying love, you're not going to get it here, tonight. I don't love you, Chakotay. I'm sorry, but all I have to offer is a terminal case of physical attraction."</p>
<p>Chakotay looked down at his hands. "I appreciate your honesty with me, Tom, but I don't think you're being fully honest with yourself."</p>
<p>"I'm not secretly in love with you and denying it to myself, if that's what you're hinting at."</p>
<p>"No. But I think it's more than just physical attraction." Chakotay raised his eyes, and stared deep into Tom's. "You said it yourself when you came in last night. When I looked into your eyes when we were making love, whatever it was that you saw there, it made you come."</p>
<p>"That, and the way you were jerking me off. You're really very talented, you know." Tom tried out a jaunty grin, but couldn't hold it, and he found he had to tear his eyes away from Chakotay's searching gaze. "Fuck, you're making it all so complicated. Isn't it okay to do this just because we enjoy it? Why do you have to analyze everything?"</p>
<p>Chakotay chuckled. "A lifetime of spiritual meditation will do that to you. It's a hard habit to break." He swallowed a yawn, and ran his fingers through his hair. "I should go."</p>
<p>"Don't." Tom put his hand on Chakotay's arm, and turned his head to face him. "Stay with me." He leaned in dangerously close. Chakotay could feel Tom's breath warm on his neck.</p>
<p>"Tom, don't. I don't think -"</p>
<p>"Good. Don't think." Tom took a deep breath. " I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I love you, but ... I do <em>need</em> you. The way you look at me, the way you make me feel, for whatever reason, I need you. Can't we just screw around for a while, and sort out the messy emotions later?"</p>
<p>"How long?"</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"How long is a while?"</p>
<p>"Would it make a difference?"</p>
<p>"Maybe. Yes. Yes, it would. Give me a time frame, Tom. I need something to work with. I can't have sex without love indefinitely, but if I know — if I know that after a certain amount of time, we'll talk, we'll take stock and see where we are, then maybe I can do it."</p>
<p>Tom's blue eyes stared into Chakotay's chocolate brown eyes, and he leaned in for a kiss, saying, "All right. We'll talk, eventually."</p>
<p>Chakotay backed away. "Not good enough. If you can't even commit to a date when we can talk about it, there's no hope that you'll ever commit to me, or to anyone else, for that matter."</p>
<p>Tom let out a muttered, "Shit." He grumbled for a few seconds, then said, "Fine. You want a time frame ... umm ... four months? How about that? Four months from now, if we haven't killed each other first, we'll have a serious talk. About us. About if there even is an 'us'. Okay?"</p>
<p>"Four <em>months</em>? No way. Two months."</p>
<p>"Are you kidding? I hope to still be experimenting in two months. Three months. Three months from tonight, and that's my final offer. Deal?" He held out his hand.</p>
<p>Chakotay was silent for a long time, pondering. Can you really do this, Big Man? Throw away the habits of a lifetime for some sex and the slim possibility of an eventual relationship? Even for great sex? He'd never done it in this order before. In all his other relationships, there had been a core of mutual affection, and the sex had been a physical display of that affection. On the other hand, none of those relationships had worked out very well, really. And he couldn't deny that he was still attracted to Tom; hell, just that one brief kiss had been enough to bring his cock to attention. Oh hell, let the consequences be damned.</p>
<p>"Deal." Chakotay reached out to take Tom's hand in his own, and give it an official handshake. He looked up, into Tom's eyes, and the current that ran between them was sexually electrifying and intense.</p>
<p>"God," Tom breathed, seemingly captivated by Chakotay's gaze, "what you do to me!" He glanced down at his robe meaningfully, and Chakotay followed his gaze to the bulge beneath the blue terrycloth. Tom tightened his grip on the older man's hand and pulled him in close for a deep, deep kiss that left them both gasping.</p>
<p>Chakotay was dazed. Holy spirits. Too damn perfect, the way we fit together, the heat we generate between us. Like we were made to be together. "Tom," Chakotay murmured, nuzzling the tender hollow at the base of the younger man's neck, "I want you. Now."</p>
<p>Tom gave a low groan in response, a needful growl that set every nerve ending in Chakotay's body on fire. Chakotay stared into the other man's eyes again, and saw desire and arousal flare up in them. Suddenly, without warning, Tom was all over him, devouring him, kissing and sucking and biting. Tom's nails traced patterns down Chakotay's back, scratching the delicate skin. Tom's teeth nipped at him, anywhere and everywhere, leaving behind little red marks that ached deliciously.</p>
<p>Somehow, Tom's robe had been discarded, and he was working determinedly at removing Chakotay's hastily donned clothing. Tom growled with approval when he saw that the older man wasn't wearing any underwear. Chakotay moaned as Tom flicked his tongue out to taste Chakotay's cock, and spread a little moisture around. Oh, he needed this. What a fool he'd been to think he could try this once or twice and stop. What an utter idiot — "Gods!" Tom had drawn Chakotay into his mouth, and was sucking hard. His tongue swirled deliciously around the tip of his cock, his teeth grazed over him oh-so-lightly, and gods, what was Tom doing with his fingers? Playing him like a flute, oh damn, the man is getting <em>good</em> at this.</p>
<p>He moaned his disappointment when Tom removed his mouth, and opened his eyes to see Tom hovering over his groin, looking up at him, with an impish grin on his face. "You're too damn quiet, Chakotay, I can't tell if I'm doing it right. Let's hear some noise."</p>
<p>Chakotay gritted his teeth. "I'm not comfortable being loud."</p>
<p>"You will be when I'm done with you. I like my lovers to be vocal, Big Man; I want to hear you moan and beg, and scream so loudly when you come that the neighbors start pounding on the walls."</p>
<p>"I — I can't, Tom."</p>
<p>"Sure, you can. You make more noise than you realize, anyway. All you have to do is turn the volume up. I want the whole damn ship to know who I've got in here with me."</p>
<p>"Dammit, Tom, that's not funny. I don't — oh, gods, <em>please</em>."</p>
<p>Tom removed his mouth from Chakotay's cock again, grinning at Chakotay's sob of frustration. "You liked that. I know you did. So, beg me for more, Big Man." His hands squeezed gently at the base of Chakotay's cock, and one finger sneaked around to brush over his anus. Chakotay moaned. "That's it, that's what I want to hear. Louder, Chakotay; tell me how much you want me."</p>
<p>Chakotay moaned again as Tom licked around the head of his cock. "Gods, please, Tom, more, please." He let his voice grow a little louder, and was rewarded with a firm pull on his straining erection. "Oh, gods yes, like that ... " He moaned louder. Tom brought his mouth down further on his cock, and increased the pressure with his lips. One finger inserted itself into his ass, and stroked him gently, in and out, over and over.</p>
<p>"Gods, so good, oh <em>gods</em> I need this!" Chakotay's cries were becoming louder and Tom increased the pace of his ministrations. "More, please, suck me, fuck me, gods yes, oh gods, don't stop, don't stop..." Sobs of desire tore through his throat. He let his inhibitions fall away; he didn't give a damn who heard him, this was so damn good, and it was a sort of relief to be able to express out loud all the feelings tearing through his body, he'd never let himself go like this before — "Oh yes, yes, more, please, gods, <em>yes</em>!"</p>
<p>He thought he might be shouting by now, but it didn't matter, all that mattered was Tom's mouth on him, the warm wetness and heat, the gentle fingers drawing in and out of him, rubbing occasionally across his prostate, sending wave after wave of unbearable pleasure through his body. He was gasping and groaning, his heart was pounding as if he was running a marathon, and he couldn't hear for the blood pulsing in his ears. His entire being was focused on the urgent need to come, but Tom was drawing it out, bringing him to the brink, then backing off slightly until he could do it again. Gods, he was begging, he could hear himself faintly over the pounding of his pulse, what was he saying? "Please, oh please, oh please ..." He thought he heard Tom chuckle, then there was nothing but a firm, insistent pull on his cock, over and over; gods, Tom was sucking as if his life depended on it and Chakotay shuddered as he felt the pressure build up in his chest as it built up in his cock, he was going to scream whether he wanted to or not, because damn this was so good, it was unbelievable, and he was going to ... going to ... oh gods, now, oh gods, <em>yes</em>!" The intensity of the scream torn from his throat surprised him as his orgasm slammed into him like a tidal wave, and the world went black.</p>
<p>Darkness. Silence. A faint rapid drumming, eventually recognizable as the sound of his heart beating at twice its normal speed. A panicked voice in the blackness. "Chakotay? Chakotay, damn it, stop kidding around."</p>
<p>No energy left to do anything more than softly whisper, "Mmm."</p>
<p>A sigh of relief, somewhere to his left. "Shit. I almost called the Doc. What happened?"</p>
<p>Chakotay cracked an eye open to see Tom looking down at him, a worried expression on his face. "I passed out."</p>
<p>"Yeah, well, I'd figured that much out on my own. Are you okay?"</p>
<p>Chakotay chuckled. "I'm fine. It happens sometimes. It's nothing to worry about."</p>
<p>A sarcastic laugh. "Sure. Whatever you say. Don't do it again, all right?" Tom's voice was a little shaky.</p>
<p>Chakotay placed a reassuring hand on Tom's arm. "Really, it's nothing to worry about. It only happens when the orgasm is really intense. You should take it as a compliment."</p>
<p>"The way you screamed bloody murder was compliment enough. Jesus, I thought you had a heart attack."</p>
<p>Chakotay was a little miffed. "Oh, come on. I'm not that old." He looked at Tom more carefully. The younger man was still trembling slightly. "Gods, Tom, I can't believe you didn't know this happens occasionally."</p>
<p>Tom laughed a small choked laugh. "To be brutally honest, Chakotay, until you came along, my sexual experiences were entirely conventional. Numerous, but conventional. There's probably tons of shit I don't know."</p>
<p>"Oh, so that's what you meant when you said you still wanted to be experimenting in two months." He pulled back. "What am I here, your tutor?"</p>
<p>Tom laughed, more fully this time, and Chakotay was relieved to see him relax. "If you like. Trust me, I'm a quick study."</p>
<p>"I can tell. That blow job was one of the best I've ever had."</p>
<p>"What, not the best ever?"</p>
<p>Chakotay chuckled. "Don't get cocky."</p>
<p>"Too late." Tom motioned with his hands.</p>
<p>"Ahh. Yes, I see. Very nice. We do have some unfinished business to attend to." He rolled over, and pulled Tom into his mouth, sucking hard and insistently. The suddenness of it took Tom by surprise, and he fell back, gasping, and wrapped his hands in Chakotay's hair.</p>
<p>Chakotay grinned to himself as he heard Tom start to moan, and felt Tom's body shudder beneath him. This wasn't what he'd planned, he'd been going to let Tom fuck him, but this was so much fun, he was much more in control, here, and after the way Tom had tortured him, he wanted to be the one in charge. He licked and nipped and sucked and squeezed, loving Tom's groans, ignoring Tom's pleas, dragging it out for delicious minute after delicious minute until Tom was writhing desperately underneath him.</p>
<p>"Gods, Chakotay, if you don't finish this, I'll kill you, I swear I'll kill you, I will, oh god, PLEASE, no ohgodnogodyes, pleasepleaseplease..." Chakotay kept on taking his time, feeling Tom's erection harden to almost impossible stiffness in his mouth. Tom's hands had long ago left his hair, now they were clutching at the sheets, clenching and unclenching convulsively, and Tom was swearing under his breath. No, not his breath, you couldn't really call what Tom was doing 'breathing', it was gasping and sobbing mixed together, and it was wonderfully noisy. Chakotay could see why Tom liked his lovers vocal, it gave him a thrilling rush of power to know that <em>he</em> was the one driving Tom so obviously insane.</p>
<p>"Please, Chakotay, ohgodplease, I can't take this, it's too good, oh <em>yes</em>, more, please, please, <em>please</em>, god, I — — oh, oh god, oh <em>god</em> oh shit shit oh god, yesyesyes —" Chakotay finally decided it wasn't fair to make Tom wait any longer, and he fastened on with expert urgency. He was going to make Tom come, hard, <em>now</em> — "god, oh god, oh ... I ... oh god ... oh yes, that's it that's it oh GODS!" Tom ended with a screech as he shot his load furiously, deep into Chakotay's throat. Chakotay hadn't swallowed Tom's semen yet, and he enjoyed learning the sweet- salty taste of him.</p>
<p>Tom had collapsed into a limp pile on the bed, his panting the only sound in the room. After a few minutes, he raised his head weakly. "How did you do that?" Chakotay quirked an eyebrow at him, and Tom blushed. "No, I mean, how did you, you know, take me in so far?"</p>
<p>Gods, it was so sweet, Tom's painful embarrassment, the galactic playboy in reality turning out to be rather naive. Chakotay grinned at him. Oh, but he was cute when he was blushing. "There's a trick to it. It's called deep throating."</p>
<p>"Oh." Tom was quiet for a minute, then he said, hesitantly, "Chakotay, are you going to be okay with this?"</p>
<p>"I think so."</p>
<p>" 'Cause if you're not, I want you to let me know."</p>
<p>"I'm a grown man, Tom. You don't need to worry about me."</p>
<p>"I know, but still, I feel like I've talked you into something you don't really want."</p>
<p>"What, you think I don't want three months of great sex? No matter what happens, at least I'll get that."</p>
<p>Tom chuckled, and snuggled up close to the older man's body. "I thought you weren't into casual sex, Big Man."</p>
<p>"I'm not. There's nothing casual about this." Tom started to raise his head to protest, but Chakotay shushed him. "Don't panic. I understand what this is to you, and you should understand what it is to me. I'm okay with it, Tom, really, and I won't push you into anything you're not ready for, all right?"</p>
<p>"All right." Tom was quiet again, for a longer period of time, and Chakotay heard him stifle a yawn. "Chakotay?" Tom asked, sleepily.</p>
<p>"Go to sleep, Tom. We've got to get up in a couple of hours."</p>
<p>"I know, but I need to ask you something. It's very important." His speech was getting slurred.</p>
<p>"What is it?"</p>
<p>"Tonight, could you teach me how to do that deep throat thing?"</p>
<p>Chakotay laughed out loud. "You are unbelievable, you know that?"</p>
<p>"Unpredictable," Tom corrected fuzzily, "and you know you love it." He yawned, hugely. "G'night, Big Man."</p>
<p>"Good night, Tom. Sweet dreams."</p>
<p>"'s my line," Tom mumbled, half asleep.</p>
<p>"Not tonight," Chakotay said. "Now, go to sleep, Lieutenant." He got no response from the man sleeping next to him. Chakotay sighed contentedly, closed his eyes, and fell instantly asleep with a smile on his face. </p>
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